Thursday, January 19, 2012
Thursday, July 9, 2009
How Come Every Time Some Kicks My Ass, Jared Makes a Blog?
So Jared loves going off on these ridiculous tangents about the appalacian trail and fabricating blood feuds with bounties when he's actually trucing with the guy he's supposedly feuding with, and in the end, I get my ass kicked. Jared and Brant pretend to be bitter rivals, and what happens? Brant goes right through England to break me up in France. Then, Jared has the opportunity to break up scandanavia and russia and doesn't take it. Something seems foul.
Jared writes some long soliloquoy about his alliance with charles, and what happens? Charles unleashes the fury he's been building up... on me. He breaks up my continents of Africa, Portugal and Spain. How come every time Jared pisses someone off, they take it out on me? This is some ridiculous shit.
I'm guessing Jared will write something about his love of Italy next and Cisco will finish me off.
This is some bullshit.
Jared writes some long soliloquoy about his alliance with charles, and what happens? Charles unleashes the fury he's been building up... on me. He breaks up my continents of Africa, Portugal and Spain. How come every time Jared pisses someone off, they take it out on me? This is some ridiculous shit.
I'm guessing Jared will write something about his love of Italy next and Cisco will finish me off.
This is some bullshit.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
A Statement from Grand Emperor Rocco Siffredi
I had a conversation with Hard Drive last night, when I arrived in London, and I told him about my love for the Appalachian Trail. He used to organize hiking trips, actually, when he was in college. He would get a soccer coach or football coach to act as chaperon and then he'd get folks to pay me 60 bucks each, or whatever it was, to take the trip, and then off we'd go and have these great adventures on the Appalachian Trail. And I told him of adventure trips both in college. I was a foot soldier in Belgrade and could get tours of duty for free, which meant I'd fight at different places around the world, carry 100 rounds of emergency ammo and either kill men and take their molars and come back or come on home.
I told him about my years in Sarajevo and early years in the emperorship, of different adventure of leaving and traveling different places. Because what I have found, in this job, is that one desperately needs a break from the bubble, wherein every word, every moment is recorded in the history log -- just to completely break. And I've found that to be true in trips to England or in trips other places further afield. And all of those things were true. I talked about the profound frustrations that I've felt over these last three turns, in the battle that was in place with regard to my new territories, the one-continent bounty in play, and how, at an emotional level, I found it exhausting.
I tried to make as good a stand as I could -- not for a further political office. What was interesting, it was always viewed, are you doing this to achieve world domination? It was always based on that idea that I genuinely believe that that action would be bad for the other world leaders, and made the agreements I did. So all those things we talked about this morning were true, but they're not the whole story. And that's obviously why everybody's reading this right now.
And so let me lay out that larger story that has attracted so many of you all here. I'm a bottom-line kind of -- kind of guy. I lay it out. It's going to hurt, and we'll let the chips fall where they may.
In so doing, let me first of all apologize to my ally Charles and our four great boys, Lorenzo and Leonardo, for letting them down. One of the primary roles, well before being an emperor, is being a father to those two boys who are absolute jewels and blessings that I've let down in a profound way. And I apologize to them. And I don't like apologizing in this realm, but, given the immediacy of you all's wanting to visit and my proximity to them, this is the first step in what will be a very long process on that front.
I would secondly say to Rosa, anybody who has observed her over the last 20 years of my life knows how closely she has stood by my side, in campaign after campaign after campaign and literally being my campaign manager, and in raising those two boys and in a whole host of other things throughout the lives that we've built together.
I would also like to apologize to my staff because, as much as I did talk about going to the Appalachian Trail -- that was one of the original scenarios that I'd thrown out to Hard Drive -- that isn't where I ended up. And so I let them down by created a fiction with record to where I was going, which means that I had then in turn, given as much they relied on that information, let down people that I represent across this empire. And so I want to apologize to my staff and I want to apologize to anybody who lives in Roccoland for the way that I let them down on that front.
I -- I want to apologize to good friends. Gary came over to the house. He drove up from Ankara. And he has been an incredibly dear friend for a very long time. In my first battles for the Balkans, he moved up and he lived in the basement of our house for six months, and we called it Jurassic Park because it was the kids' dinosaur sheets and all kinds of different folks were living there in the campaign. And he gave of his time and his talent and his effort for ideas that he believed in, to try and make a difference in our regional wars. And so I, in a very profound way, have let down the Gary Ganooses of the world. On the ride over here, I called the house, and in the background, I could hear my parents-in-laws, who had come up to be with Rosa, and I've let them down. I had the most, you know, surreal of conversations a number of weeks ago with my father-in-law, laying some cards on the table. And he was incredibly gentlemanly, as you cannot imagine, in saying here were some things that I was struggling with with regard to where my heart was, where I was in life -- those different kinds of things.
And I let him down. I've let down a lot of people. That's the bottom line. And I let them down, and in every instance I would ask their forgiveness. Forgiveness is not an immediate process. It is in fact a process that takes time, and I'll be in that process for quite some weeks and months and I suspect years ahead.
But I am -- I am here because if you were to look at God's laws, there are in every instance designed to protect people from themselves. I think that that is the bottom line with God's law -- that it's not a moral, rigid list of dos and don'ts just for the heck of dos and don'ts. It is indeed to protect us from ourselves. And the biggest self of self is, indeed, self. That sin is in fact grounded in this notion of what is it that I want, as opposed to somebody else.
And in this regard, let me throw one more apology out there, and that is to people of faith across Roccoland, or for that matter, across Europe, because I think that one of the big disappointments when, believe it or not, I've been a person of faith all my life, if somebody falls within the -- the fellowship of believers or the walk of faith, I think it makes it that much harder for believers to say, "Well, where was that person coming from?" Or folks that weren't believers to say, "Where, indeed, was that person coming from?" So one more apology in there. But I -- I guess where I'm trying to go with this is that there are moral absolutes, and that God's law indeed is there to protect you from yourself. And there are consequences if you breach that. This announcement is a consequence.
And so the bottom line is this, I -- I've been unfaithful to my allies. I developed a relationship with a -- which started out as a dear, dear friend from Spain. It began very innocently, as I suspect many of these things do, in just a casual e-mail back and forth, in advice on one's life there and advice here.
But here recently over this last few turns it developed into something much more than that. And as a consequence, I hurt her. I hurt you all. I hurt Hard Drive. I hurt my boys. I hurt friends like Gary Ganoose. I hurt a lot of different folks. And all I can say is that I apologize. I -- I -- I would ask for your -- I guess I'm not deserving of indulgence, but indulgence not for me, but for Rosa and the boys. You know, there are a team of cameras and crews and all those sorts of things camped out down at Thrace. And I would just ask for a zone of privacy, if not for me, for her and the boys.
As we go through this process of working through this, there are going to be some hard decisions to be made, to be dealt with. And those are probably not best dealt with through the prism of Warfish messages and blog posts. You know, I am committed to that process of -- of walking through with Rosa and the boys, with the Gary Ganooses of the world, with the people of Roccoland in -- in saying "where do we go from here?" I -- I would simply say I go back to that simple word of asking for forgiveness.
I -- just as a declarative statement, one more before we open up for a couple of questions, and then I'll move on. I've tried to think of, you know, first steps -- one of the first steps is clearing out more time as we go through this process of -- of reconciliation and figuring out what comes next. I'm going to cancel all of my alliances and agreements. I'm going to tender my resignation. One, because I think it's the appropriate thing to do, given other world leaders across this nation and my role as orchestrator of many of these deals. And two, frankly, just from the standpoint of time. You know, if I think about this process, not only does it begin at the family level, but it begins with the family of Roccolites. And so that means me going one by one and town by town to talk to a lot of old friends across this empire in -- in what I've done and -- and me asking for their forgiveness. That will take time -- time that I probably can't devote to global war.
Questions?
I told him about my years in Sarajevo and early years in the emperorship, of different adventure of leaving and traveling different places. Because what I have found, in this job, is that one desperately needs a break from the bubble, wherein every word, every moment is recorded in the history log -- just to completely break. And I've found that to be true in trips to England or in trips other places further afield. And all of those things were true. I talked about the profound frustrations that I've felt over these last three turns, in the battle that was in place with regard to my new territories, the one-continent bounty in play, and how, at an emotional level, I found it exhausting.
I tried to make as good a stand as I could -- not for a further political office. What was interesting, it was always viewed, are you doing this to achieve world domination? It was always based on that idea that I genuinely believe that that action would be bad for the other world leaders, and made the agreements I did. So all those things we talked about this morning were true, but they're not the whole story. And that's obviously why everybody's reading this right now.
And so let me lay out that larger story that has attracted so many of you all here. I'm a bottom-line kind of -- kind of guy. I lay it out. It's going to hurt, and we'll let the chips fall where they may.
In so doing, let me first of all apologize to my ally Charles and our four great boys, Lorenzo and Leonardo, for letting them down. One of the primary roles, well before being an emperor, is being a father to those two boys who are absolute jewels and blessings that I've let down in a profound way. And I apologize to them. And I don't like apologizing in this realm, but, given the immediacy of you all's wanting to visit and my proximity to them, this is the first step in what will be a very long process on that front.
I would secondly say to Rosa, anybody who has observed her over the last 20 years of my life knows how closely she has stood by my side, in campaign after campaign after campaign and literally being my campaign manager, and in raising those two boys and in a whole host of other things throughout the lives that we've built together.
I would also like to apologize to my staff because, as much as I did talk about going to the Appalachian Trail -- that was one of the original scenarios that I'd thrown out to Hard Drive -- that isn't where I ended up. And so I let them down by created a fiction with record to where I was going, which means that I had then in turn, given as much they relied on that information, let down people that I represent across this empire. And so I want to apologize to my staff and I want to apologize to anybody who lives in Roccoland for the way that I let them down on that front.
I -- I want to apologize to good friends. Gary came over to the house. He drove up from Ankara. And he has been an incredibly dear friend for a very long time. In my first battles for the Balkans, he moved up and he lived in the basement of our house for six months, and we called it Jurassic Park because it was the kids' dinosaur sheets and all kinds of different folks were living there in the campaign. And he gave of his time and his talent and his effort for ideas that he believed in, to try and make a difference in our regional wars. And so I, in a very profound way, have let down the Gary Ganooses of the world. On the ride over here, I called the house, and in the background, I could hear my parents-in-laws, who had come up to be with Rosa, and I've let them down. I had the most, you know, surreal of conversations a number of weeks ago with my father-in-law, laying some cards on the table. And he was incredibly gentlemanly, as you cannot imagine, in saying here were some things that I was struggling with with regard to where my heart was, where I was in life -- those different kinds of things.
And I let him down. I've let down a lot of people. That's the bottom line. And I let them down, and in every instance I would ask their forgiveness. Forgiveness is not an immediate process. It is in fact a process that takes time, and I'll be in that process for quite some weeks and months and I suspect years ahead.
But I am -- I am here because if you were to look at God's laws, there are in every instance designed to protect people from themselves. I think that that is the bottom line with God's law -- that it's not a moral, rigid list of dos and don'ts just for the heck of dos and don'ts. It is indeed to protect us from ourselves. And the biggest self of self is, indeed, self. That sin is in fact grounded in this notion of what is it that I want, as opposed to somebody else.
And in this regard, let me throw one more apology out there, and that is to people of faith across Roccoland, or for that matter, across Europe, because I think that one of the big disappointments when, believe it or not, I've been a person of faith all my life, if somebody falls within the -- the fellowship of believers or the walk of faith, I think it makes it that much harder for believers to say, "Well, where was that person coming from?" Or folks that weren't believers to say, "Where, indeed, was that person coming from?" So one more apology in there. But I -- I guess where I'm trying to go with this is that there are moral absolutes, and that God's law indeed is there to protect you from yourself. And there are consequences if you breach that. This announcement is a consequence.
And so the bottom line is this, I -- I've been unfaithful to my allies. I developed a relationship with a -- which started out as a dear, dear friend from Spain. It began very innocently, as I suspect many of these things do, in just a casual e-mail back and forth, in advice on one's life there and advice here.
But here recently over this last few turns it developed into something much more than that. And as a consequence, I hurt her. I hurt you all. I hurt Hard Drive. I hurt my boys. I hurt friends like Gary Ganoose. I hurt a lot of different folks. And all I can say is that I apologize. I -- I -- I would ask for your -- I guess I'm not deserving of indulgence, but indulgence not for me, but for Rosa and the boys. You know, there are a team of cameras and crews and all those sorts of things camped out down at Thrace. And I would just ask for a zone of privacy, if not for me, for her and the boys.
As we go through this process of working through this, there are going to be some hard decisions to be made, to be dealt with. And those are probably not best dealt with through the prism of Warfish messages and blog posts. You know, I am committed to that process of -- of walking through with Rosa and the boys, with the Gary Ganooses of the world, with the people of Roccoland in -- in saying "where do we go from here?" I -- I would simply say I go back to that simple word of asking for forgiveness.
I -- just as a declarative statement, one more before we open up for a couple of questions, and then I'll move on. I've tried to think of, you know, first steps -- one of the first steps is clearing out more time as we go through this process of -- of reconciliation and figuring out what comes next. I'm going to cancel all of my alliances and agreements. I'm going to tender my resignation. One, because I think it's the appropriate thing to do, given other world leaders across this nation and my role as orchestrator of many of these deals. And two, frankly, just from the standpoint of time. You know, if I think about this process, not only does it begin at the family level, but it begins with the family of Roccolites. And so that means me going one by one and town by town to talk to a lot of old friends across this empire in -- in what I've done and -- and me asking for their forgiveness. That will take time -- time that I probably can't devote to global war.
Questions?
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
this shit is ridiculous
Recently, for the first time in known history, a ruler put a bounty on the head of an enemy. Two days ago, Hard Drive called for my destruction, offering a continent of the slayer's choosing. This immodest proposal is preposterous; I do not protest because it is outrageous on its face, but I have been urged to comment, and so I make the following reply.
Hard Drive has limited capacity. He sees only his rage, and has experienced the pain of thwarted plans. Frustrated, he calls for support. But what general would do the bidding of another, for the reward of a rented land, with eviction imminent? What free man would undertake a task only to live under terms written by another? Who among us would sacrifice not only our dignity but our freedom, for a measly continent?
Additionally, he dissed on vanilla Frosties. They're gross, but if you add Dr Pepper (like a badass), then they're good.
Don't buy these soft wares.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Dark Meat
Bring me the head of Rocco, and get one free continent of your choosing!*
*see terms below
In light of his horrifying and otherwise gag inducing actions during The Dark Ages, I have taken the unprecedented step of placing a price on his elimination.
To the person who eliminates this character, I will give one single continent of his choosing among those I now control. Take any one you want! I will use all my transfers to withdraw my forces from your preferred region as quickly as possible, but you don't have to wait for me if you don't want to.
Terms:
(i) You can attack any of my territories in this continent without any recourse by me, but if you attack any of my other countries anywhere else the deal is off.
(ii) Once I no longer have any countries in said continent, whether or not you completely control it, I will give you 2 full turns to enjoy is fruit. Then I may or may not attack you.
(iii) Upon Rocco's death, you must come up with a sufficiently witty and devastating burn to publicly insult him with on the message board or the deal is off.
In case you have trouble recognizing him, his color is yellow in the game and this is a picture of him contemplating a strategic alliance with you.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
the great war has ended
after six months and twelve days, 7500 moves, and the loss of 4474 lives, the great war is finally ended. now unified under the lime rule of the Spaniard, historians can now begin to unravel the stories of our many empires, great and small, that fell in this unifying struggle. what seems clear at this point is that a tiny, isolated warlord, at one point controlling fewer armies than any other power in the world, grew into an unstoppable juggernaut that crushed all who stood in his path. here's to you, spaniard; well played.
Friday, January 23, 2009
What is the Best Quality for Warfish Success?
Patience? Determination? Wit? Luck?
I have long pondered this question...in many rooms of the house...at many times of the day...what kind of warrior-fish should I be?
The patient pacificst waiting and avoiding conflict?
The steadfast general that sticks to their plan no matter what?
Is it all about strategy? Experience? Wisdom?
Or maybe, just maybe, we are like Chin, and get lucky sometimes and win a game...
Just kidding Buddy!
I welcome your thoughts...and hopefully debate on the subject...my thoughts are sealed til y'all comment...
pete
I have long pondered this question...in many rooms of the house...at many times of the day...what kind of warrior-fish should I be?
The patient pacificst waiting and avoiding conflict?
The steadfast general that sticks to their plan no matter what?
Is it all about strategy? Experience? Wisdom?
Or maybe, just maybe, we are like Chin, and get lucky sometimes and win a game...
Just kidding Buddy!
I welcome your thoughts...and hopefully debate on the subject...my thoughts are sealed til y'all comment...
pete
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