Treachery

These games are impossible to win through battle tactics alone. It is a disadvantage to get out of the gates too fast, because without any communication the forces of equilibrium will unite the others to tear down the leader, who has little hope outnumbered three, or even two to one.

Skill matters little. To win you must be either very lucky, or your enemies very unlucky. That or someone has to make a huge mistake, but we’re all too damn good for that now. Or sometimes you could, by luck, inherit an open field created by the hard fought battles waged by stronger enemies, and then expand so fast that no one can stop you.

The only other way is through some form of treaty, which by the very nature of the game is bound to be broken sooner or later. But how soon?

Now we are engaged in a great civil war. Swiftboat, battling against Lady Luck, could not hold on to his succulent cities and was devoured early on. Joe Biden, having lost a few early battles, experienced glory for a moment, but then found himself at the confluence of three greater powers, each looking to expand his territory against the one warlord who could not resist them.

Rev. Wright survived against all odds, and forged a stronghold in the swamps of Arkansas and Louisiana, where he hides his numbers and invents early American guerilla warfare while attempting to unite the clans. Bishop, fighting just has hard, has expanded his following to include two great states. Though their industrial output is not enough to satisfy his heavenly hunger, he has opened up a pathway to fight the holy war without angering his neighbors.

Palin’s Daughter’s Baby Daddy, executing a ruthless campaign to control one of America’s strongest states, made a grab for the big-time but encountered stiff resistance and then found himself at the locus of war. Does he continue to expand against his weaker neighbors, but what if he’s unlucky? Which great superpower will sweep in to control his territory? How can he survive when surrounded by five of the worlds greatest armies? He must wait for the tension to break.

Oh Nader, you wisely decided to take over the most productive region of the Confederacy, but the world moved to quickly for you. The opportunities created by McRage in the northeast quickly closed up, and you emerged second strongest, and with many enemies. When the tension broke your forces were scattered by a vengeful General looking for blood.

McRage, goddess, sing the McRage of Admiral John’s son John. John the warrior. John the diplomat. From humble beginnings in the Ohio River valley, John created an army destined for glory. Through might, skilled rolling, and shrewd negotiations he created the most impressive force in the land, only to be betrayed by his oldest brother, the treacherous Bob Barr.

Poor Bob. His soul twisted by the dark side. Even when you have friends you don’t know who they are. You propelled yourself to a position of power by grabbing the industrial cities and vast fertile farmland of the Midwest that others seemed not to want. But your power was your undoing, and still you seek only to maintain it. Friends are only those who have not yet stabbed you in the back, so you stab first. Neighbors, fleeting entities that only exist until they disappear by your hands or another’s, unless they “disappear” you. Joy has become Fear. Hope has become Despair.


Is there no hope yet for peace?

Let's share a meal

My fellow Americans,

Today marks the day that we sat down with a people who we counted as brothers, who had helped us through difficult times, and who we would soon face as enemies. We have all aged much during this great war, but I hope not too much to remember a time when we each wandered in this new land, homeless and defenseless. Today is a day of peace, a time when we can sit at the same table, break bread and meet as the equals we are.

It comes at a critical time. Our world has fractured into a powerful, bicameral North and a diversified South. Treaties abound, as each seeks a safe refuge from the realigning battles that seem imminent.


Any peace requires common interests. As a Southerner, my greatest knowledge lies in this region, so I begin with a call for a stop to all internecine fighting in our agrarian land. Why do we fight? A grab for each others' fragile states will clearly only benefit us in the shortest of terms. Barring large-scale consolidation, which would be bloody and unnecessary, the South stands not a chance in this nation without solidarity. Palin's Daughter's Baby Daddy, as a sign of the goodwill that is ascendant in our tobaccoed lands, I call on you to withdraw your troops from Senator Biden's territory. Senator, I likewise call on you to stand down your border forces with the NADER factor. This would be a powerful signal for Southerners worldwide to unite and look toward a brighter, collective future.

Arkansan intelligence is weaker in the North, where my agents have been ruthlessly executed by the McRage!!! and Barr counterintelligence forces. Scarce information limits my ability to propose workable plans there besides a general ceasefire. I invite the representatives of these regional governments to participate in this discussion.

With goodwill and the grace of the Lord, we will forge a greater nation.

With love,
Mango Jesus Superstar
Personal representative of the Reverend

Vandamme Game

First off, let us remember that the sole purpose of van damme's rage in this movie is to avenge the paralysis of his brother at the hands of Tong Po. He learns from the wise kickboxing master in the jungle. His training includes getting some coconuts dropped on his stomach from various heights and stretched out in all four directions. He also chops down trees with his powerful shins, in one of the more painful scenes in action movie history.

See below:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RNWimqdpxk0

After he recovers from his Shin training the master takes him to the scret warrior ruins where he is able to learn the "spirit" of kickboxing. The final scene is pretty gruesome as the kickboxers agree to fight 'old style' with bandages glues with glass as fists.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BPPiGk4z500&feature=related

Enjoy this emotional last part of this fight scene as brother and crowd chant Nok Su Cow, "White Warrior". Let us use this as inspiration for fighting the purple forces of Dave Shean who intimidate like Tong Po but will ultimately fail. Unite against purple in Vandamme Dance Game!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27FAZUGsUKs&feature=related

Enjoy! and god be with yo on the battlefield.

Christopher

You forgot Machu Pichu

That was perhaps one of the coolest boards. I dunno what it was about it but even when I got smoked on that board, I still had a blast.

Declaration of United Nations of Warfish

Fellow warriors, fellow students of the long and distinguished history of the various valorous nations here convened, tested in battle, often victorious, and resilient in defeat; fellow brigands, pirates, ribalds, assassins; kings, chieftans, lords, elders, vice presidents; honorable allies and perfidious enemies:

Wherever we have met, we have battled. We have clashed in the colonial landscape of the Second World War; we have wrestled in 19th Century America. We have mounted attacks through the Mines of Moria; we have defended the green hills of Yoshi's Island. On the plains of Poland-Lithuania our men were slaughtered; on the rectangular states of Original Risk our men were garrotted. The blood of our fighters has run into the Gulf of Bothnia and the irradiated seas of 2250. Warfare between our respective nations is not only inevitable but is the sole purpose of our glorious lives.

We are now engaged in a everlasting struggle against savage and brutal forces seeking to subjugate the world, and or too long this glorious history has gone undocumented. No longer. I hereby create these United Nations of Warfish, dedicated to the military history of our struggles. We shall here convene to discuss, honor, accuse, and shit talk. This forum is open to any and all who would use words as well as clicks to seek victory over his or her enemies.

DONE at Hyrule Castle.

November Twenty-second, 2008