Armistice Day

Generals

We are enemies. We are friends. We are allies. We are traitors. We are all these things-- and so have we been for 363 days. Yes, my fellow leaders, we are approaching the first anniversary of the first online world domination in our glorious history.



On December 27, 2007, Gen. Rostislav declared final and ultimate victory over the forces of Pancho, CBear, southshallriseagain, and Shang Tsung. That day marked the closing shots of resistance in the last wild backlands of Australia, but also the beginning of a much larger war that continues to this day.

To commemorate this immortal day, let us declare an international holiday, Armistice Day, on which no troops be placed, commanded, or slaughtered. Let us join together in honor of that time-honored pasttime to which we have given ourselves: WAR.

December 27: Armistice Day.

To Biden

O Biden
You were a brother in arms
and a brother in spirit
You were a passionate advocate for both Southern unity
and women's rights
Behind your unwavering smile
Smoldered a cunning and lust for blood
matched only by rabid grizzlies and wounded giant squid

O Biden!
I miss your orange companionship
I feel like Nick Cage in Face/Off
when his bro falls through that skylight
That sucked
How can I go on fighting now?
How can I go on fighting now?
When I feel I am only biding my time until death

Biden, my brother in arms
Felled by a lucky trade-in
I could not save you
And now I stand,
alone

A great calamity

Friends and enemies

Though we have warred for countless turns, striking blows both noble and underhanded, smiting each other in unending conflicts, a disaster has struck great enough to bring all of our campaigns, battles, grudges, arms races, vendettas, and other machinations to a halt.



This is an attack of such magnitude that all nations, all tribes, should lay down their arms and pray together for an immediate and complete resolution to the situation. Let us come together in this time of crisis, stand as one against this singular threat. Be it resolved: Warfish, fix your goddamn server!!!

Why?

This cruel world was never meant for Joe Biden.

The void left by Joe's commendable northern assault was too large to resist. The world is a different place now. The time for diplomacy and alliances rooted in sympathy is over.

You know the opening scene in the Dark Knight, where the joker independently instructs each man on his team to kill the man who came before him? I liked that scene.

Message from General Joe Biden

We have before us an ordeal of the most grievous kind. We have before us many, many long months of struggle and of suffering. You ask, What is our policy? I will say; "It is to wage war, by sea, land and air, with all our might and with all the strength that God can give us: to wage war against a monstrous tyranny, never surpassed in the dark lamentable catalogue of human crime. That is our policy." You ask, What is our aim? I can answer with one word: Victory - victory at all costs, victory in spite of all terror, victory however long and hard the road may be; for without victory there is no survival.

Three Numbers, and a Portrait of Power

Generals, you have heard persuasive words and heated arguments from all sides in this Great War, but I present to you only three numbers: 209, 207, 2.

At 209, Rev. Jeremiah Wright has the second most armies placed on the board as of this turn.

At 207, Rev. Jeremiah Wright has the least amount of armies lost (through attacking and defending), second only to Swiftboater with 157, who died over two millennia ago.

The last number, 2, represents the total number of our brothers who have perished from this Earth. It also happens to be the number of our brothers Rev. Jeremiah Wright has personally slain.

How can this be? And what does it all mean?

It all started before young Jemmy Wright ever heard of the Louisiana Divinity War Academy. While other aspiring generals were trying their luck against Neutral for their first taste of dominion, young Jemmy struggled to find a fruitful kingdom to call his own. He felt weak and threatened, and resented his comrades for their wealth and power.

In his adolescent years, while other generals battled for political domination over large regions, young "J.M." developed a defensive strategy in his sleepy state of Arkansas which allowed him to prosper in such a cruel world. It was around this time Jeremiah discovered he had the power to influence others with words. After organizing a couple of local cease-fires, he promptly enrolled in the LDWA where he invented the theme of "Southern Unity" which he later used to further his goals in the region.

It was through combined effort of his sermons and his non-threatening "uniform density" strategy that allowed him to bring dying men back to glory, pacify would-be conquerors, and bring emperors to their knees. And he managed to do all this while avoiding the inconvenience of having to fight on his own turf.

So I ask this question of you, the members of the United Nations of Warfish, if you find yourselves flying headlong into a war that does not benefit you, pause. Ask yourself, cui bono?

It is honorable indeed to be a man of your word and hold true to a treaty, an agreement, an alliance. But the nature of our world makes all alliances temporary. When there are only two warroirs left alive, the alliance must be dissolved, and at that point the "alliance" will have benefited one general more than the other.

Built into this agreement at its birth, visible or invisible, is a clause defining the point at which the alliance no longer exists. This is the event horizon - the point of no return. One more move and the powerful becomes too powerful for there to be any ending other than the inevitable. I argue that the event horizon occurs far sooner than the situation described above, with all alliance members already deceased and the game all but over.

So I urge you, honorable members of the UNOF, as you plot your next move and consider an allegiance with Rev. Jeremiah Wright, as he is now called, to consider these three numbers and ask "Cui bono?"


Bob "Semper Fi" Barr
Written in the year 3909.

To arms!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lnom0VBG0Mk

We are outnumbered, we are tired, but we will be free from your northern tyrrany. I will bleed this field for the Glory and Freedom of all that was once good in the South.

To arms!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lnom0VBG0Mk

We are outnumbered, we are tired, but we will be free from your northern tyrrany. I will bleed this field for the Glory and Freedom of all that was once good in the South.

A submission

Comrades

This has been a long and difficult conflict. We have come far from the land-grabbing confusion of turns 320 - 1600, to the death of Swiftboater in turn 1724, through the great wars in the North (time immemorial - present) and South (turns 2280 -3161), the slow but relentless expansion of the two superpowers, Barr and NADER, to the current state of affairs.

And yet, having lived and studied our nation's history, I still ask, how have we come to this?

We in the South have achieved so much, and yet still somehow find ourselves on the brink of another bloody, realigning war. Armies of a size heretofore only seen in the North now stand on a border that was only a few years ago unarmed and peaceful. While Bishop and NADER strike honorable blows against our Northern foes, still we Southerners cannot avoid strife at home.

You all know who I'm talking about. Biden, driven half-mad by his constant battle against death, has now chosen to turn against the very one who banded with him to save his life. A simple slander from the North was all that was necessary to convince Biden that somehow, war against his savior past is his chosen path.

As you all know, I am a man of the Book, and thereby familiar with such behavior. Biden, if you would turn against the hand that fed you; if you admit that on the day of our brotherly supper those three weeks ago you yet plotted against me; if your hands, slick with ambition, would accept gold coins in return for an errand for the Northerners-- then so be it. You will receive no counterattack from my forces. For what Reverend could destroy that which he created? I hereby unilaterally withdraw all my forces from your border in a sign of the goodwill and peace that has characterized our relations for the duration of this conflict. I only issue you this last warning: that those coins be fool's gold, and Barr's a fool's errand. If you take his bait then you will find the hook penetrates not only your shiny face but your tumultuous soul as well.

Choose well, Biden.

TRW

Up men and to your posts! I will not desert you my brother in arms.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VGZ-QU4iDds

Let me first welcome our dear comrade Gen. Rostislav to the conversation. Although we differ in our opinions of state's rights, we do admire the generals mettle in battle. That being said, I must turn to a subject that gives me much pain.

A southern brother has betrayed us. Even with explicit correspondence stating otherwise, the Reverend Wright is indeed allied with Bob Barr. I need only point to the obvious, his actions along his northern borders. While Gen. D Shean bears the brunt of the Northern assault, the Reverend sits idly without raising musket or bayonet. This inaction, this paralysis that is so common to Northern generals, must not stand.

I intend to make a full frontal assault on the Reverend's Tennessee border. I do not expect other southern brother's to join me. Many men will be lost, but make no mistake that this battle is necessary.

I do so solemnly. I do so with humility. I do so for the great brothers Allman.

I ain't wasting time no more.

Joe.

howdy ladies and gents

my first post...jumpin in here...

Bob Barr is a punk btw...and his northern alliance is powerful...

glad i'm chillin in boston and the northeast...

how is the jar-shean battle going in CC?

outie,
pete

Clarification

Fellows

Apparently I have not made myself clear. For the record: I am not, have never been, and never will be allied with Bob Barr. I fight only for the South and Southern unity.

GDA

TRW

Kick his ass Chris

Take him down Chris. If he doesn't attack you, he's got nowhere else to go since he's allied with BB and with Cisco.

The Reverend Responds

Sen. Biden

The forces of holy war stand always ready for battle. We shy from no man, whether he charge from North or South.

However: I ask you to consider for the briefest of moments before you launch into what would be a disastrous attack not only for you, but also for the citizens of TN, and the South at large, our beloved homeland.

You have only just now reclaimed the warm, chewy state of GA-- your claim to which I supported, against my own interests, when you were gasping on the verge of death. My men fought and died so that you could preserve your homeland. Their tombstones are the only argument I need submit in response to the empty words of a Northerner. From the founding of this great nation, I have called for Southern unity, and lo it has brought our four hardy peoples through. I have yet breath to continue this call, for it is the last hope for each of us. Though some find my words inflammatory or appalling, my actions those of an insane relation, I offer no apologies for what I do in the name of Southern glory.

It is not my place to command my brothers to walk a certain path; only to show them, to help them, to their proper one. If it sits well with your conscience, then continue your internecine warmongering. I will pledge only to meet you soldier for soldier across the lands upon which I slayed your mortal enemy, PDBD. If not, then I ask you to walk with me to a brighter future.

God damn America.

TRW

Jared - Southern Bitch of BB

If BB and Jared are allied, then I will amass such a force on my northern border to crush tenessee and reclaim my home. No southern bitch of the north shall be spared.

Ready for a war Jare?

Let Me Explain

The pastor of my church, Rev. Jeremiah Wright, who recently preached his last sermon and is in the process of retiring, has touched off a firestorm over the last few days. He's drawn attention as the result of some inflammatory and appalling remarks he made about our country, our politics, and my political opponents. I urge you to treat his remarks as you would those of the crazy uncle I know you have in your family.

Let me say at the outset that I vehemently disagree and strongly condemn the statements that have been the subject of this controversy. I categorically denounce any statement that disparages our great country or serves to divide us from our allies. I also believe that words that degrade individuals have no place in our public dialogue, whether it's on the campaign stump or in the pulpit. In sum, I reject outright the statements by Rev. Wright that are at issue.

Because these particular statements by Rev. Wright are so contrary to my own life and beliefs, a number of people have legitimately raised questions about the nature of my relationship with Rev. Wright and my membership in the church. Let me therefore provide some context.

We're totally allied.

See you at the Aftermath.

Peace,

Bob "I know what you did last summer" Barr

A Call for Unity

Brother and Sisters of the South!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I call on you to stop this infighting! While the Northerners grow stronger, we rip and tear at each others' flesh. We must prepare our region for the worst that I feel in my bones is coming.

I present these terms of the Wrighteous Peace of Turn 3387:

1) NADER: withdraw your forces from the land of Biden and the border of Bishop. Biden, show restraint with regards to NADER's soft underbelly. In return, NADER could take the fun state of Florida.

2) Bishop: attack no one who be not a Northerner. Your massive armada be scarin the landlubbers.

3) Biden: stop your constant rabblerousing. I have heard tell of your subterfuge and remind you who it was who saved your orange ass from He Who Shall Not Be Named.

With this three-point plan we shall strong against all enemies.

God damn America.

TRW

RIP PDBD

Fellows,

War is an ugly thing.

In times such as these, honorable and upstanding men are put upon to make decisions that sometimes leave the taste of turned chitlins our mouths. We walk a path that we chose but was also chosen for us; we make our choices from those presented.

Just now I have ordered a tactical strike on the South Cumberland Gap after learning that PDBD and his ragged crew of outlaws were holed up in a cave there. They put up a small fight but were ultimately exterminated.

In civil war choices are all the more distasteful. We are presented with those who we once addressed as brothers, and must learn that though they look the same, they have nevertheless transformed into mortal enemies. So it was with PDBD. Some might think it a contradiction to call for Southern unity and then kill a great Southerner. We do not expect those outside our special culture to understand. But such is the logic of the Dirty South. Here, in the last bastion of the electric chair, retributive justice is the rule of law. He who would kill another Southerner must be killed. Justice has been served.

We look forward now to a period of healing and celebration in the South. Memphis will soon be home to a commemorative statue of PDBD, standing over Biden's prone body, ready to strike, but stabbed in the back by a wrathful Reverend Wright.

God damn America.

TRW

Nay

Friends, I wish to come before you for a brief statement explaining my actions. It would be understandable for you to be confused, considering I appeared in this forum just one week ago to plead for peace and unity, only to days later violate the territory of my neighbor, PDBD, twice.

There are two reasons for my actions.

First, it was to save my noble friend Joe Biden. Every day, Joe rides the train from Olustee, capital of his orange empire, to Atlanta, where he has his humble home. Joe is a simple man of the people, with unquestionable honor. Had I not acted, Biden would be dead.

Second, PDBD rejected wholesale suggestions of peace. For this there must be consequences. Without consequences, international law is naught, and naught is one letter away from naughty.

I rest my case. To my other neighbors, Barr the Black-souled and Bishop the Blue-eyed, I have put no moves on you, nor do I plan to. I merely mean to cherrypick on PDBD.

With love,
Mango Jesus Superstar
Personal representative of the Reverend